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Perk-​Man

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Ted Kennedy to the rescue? You may know him as a humble and mild-​mannered public servant. But to a select few in our nation’s capital, he’s none other than Perk-​Man, defender of perks, paybacks, and the special-​privilege way.

As soon as Perk-​Man got the emergency call on the special emergency Perk-​Jeopardy Hotline, he flew into action. Seems US Airways is in bankruptcy and already has been bailed out by nearly a billion dollars in loan guarantees from the taxpayers, courtesy of our Congress. So US Airways is trying to cut costs so they can return a profit and stay in business.

Problem is, they were planning to cut jobs that involved giving special VIP service to folks like Senator Ted Kennedy. This service which you and I can’t get even if we paid extra is free to many lawmakers. Not a bad place to cut, you say? But our politicians need their perks!

So Senator Kennedy got into his Perk-​Man Costume. Had a little trouble fitting into the costume, but anyway, he quickly flew into action. He called the CEO of US Airways and had a little conversation. Begged to save the jobs for the two folks fluffing pillows and gophering about for lawmakers. Or maybe Perk-​Man said, “Don’t mess with me, I have the power to make or break your business, buddy-​boy. I’m Senator Perk-Man!”

Ah Perk-​Man, you have saved your perk once again. How inspiring.

This is Common Sense. I’m Paul Jacob.

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