- Conservative, n.
- A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others.
- Cynic, n.
- A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic’s eyes to improve his vision.
- Egotist, n.
- A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
- Idiot, n.
- A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot’s activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but “pervades and regulates the whole.” He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.
- Mayonnaise, n.
- One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.
- Once, adj.
- Enough.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)