Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. And you’re no doubt a monkey’s uncle, too. I’m talking about the Chimpanzee Health Improvement, Maintenance and Protection Act, the excellent retirement system Congress just set up for chimpanzees. No, really, I kid you not. This is Washington.
The National Taxpayers Union calculates that we taxpayers are spending $45,000 a year per chimp. Not a bad retirement program. In fact, it certainly beats Social Security. These are chimpanzees once used in federal government research who have now entered their golden years. They do have to be cared for, of course. But $45,000 a year? Some in Congress would like us to believe that they’re saving us money because in their wildest imaginations, they dreamed of spending even more. But hello guys, earth to Congress, come in Congress yoo hoo!
Yo! this is more dough than the most prestigious universities in the country charge. Just send the chimps to Harvard! Who voted for this ridiculous waste of our tax dollars? Well, it passed both the House and Senate without a recorded vote. So virtually every congressman can say he or she didn’t vote for it … but of course, it passed. Isn’t it funny that chimps get a lot better retirement program than the chump taxpayer?
Well, we chumps are in the same boat with the chimps in one respect. Neither of us have control of our own retirement money. The politicians are in control. And that’s another problem.
This is Common Sense. I’m Paul Jacob.