Attention, America. Attention. The long battle is almost over. The Department of Agriculture has proposed to grant American farmers the all-important right to create smaller holes in Swiss cheese. They’ve bowed to pressure from groups like the Wisconsin Cheese Makers, which argued that the eye-size requirements for Swiss cheese are “out of step with the demands of the consumer and the marketer.”
Fans of Swiss cheese are wild with joy. Mary Smith, veteran cheese-eater of Kalamazoo, Michigan says, “I’m tired of all those huge holes. Why the regulators have taken so long to permit smaller Swiss-cheese holes is beyond me. Of course, I don’t want the holes to be too small. Well … I guess they know what they’re doing.” Hey, thank you so much, Mary, for your input. That was very valuable. And thank goodness our leaders don’t leave the fate of devoted eaters of cheese to the brutal free market.
Without the regulators in Washington, who knows what size the holes in Swiss cheese would be? Some might be too large for the cheese altogether. And some might be so small you could hardly see them! It’s all too scary to contemplate. One thing’s certain: It must take years of experience for our bureaucrats and career politicians to master the intricacies of cheese regulation.
This is Common Sense. I’m Paul Jacob.